Catman's Top 20 Orlando Magic Moments

19.


July 7, 2003...Heart and Hustle becomes Resist and Assault. Beloved point guard Darrell Armstrong gets arrested outside a downtown nightclub (no Gortat, it wasn't Dragon Room). In the scuffle he gets charged for resisting arrest and assaulting an officer. Wait! I meant a FEMALE officer! Nice one Darrell! But of course the organization is willing to work with one of the town's most favorite players and forgive him and give him a second chance---





---nope sorry Darrell. Let us know how the weather is in New Orlea---





---oh, sorry...Dallas! Nawlins sends you to Cowboy Town. Well, enjoy the steak---





---oh, wait...damnit. Traded from there too.





See Darrell, see what happens when you do that to a woman? We'll let the Polish Yardstick give you some advice:




P Hammer: Darrell, when a woman at a nightclub wants to put you in handcuffs...you say YESSS!!!! Next time, I'll take you to the Dragon Room and show you how me and VaJayJay pull in the tang.

Euro talk with the Polish Hammer

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Euro talk thanks for joining me. You might have noticed, my playing time has been up this year. You are probably asking yourself...what can I do to become a better player, a better person...I want to be just like Gortat, he has it all together. Well, I haven't always been this way. I languished in Europe for many years, then when I got my big break, I found the true source of all my power. And the good news, you can tap into that power also. You are probably asking yourself, what is this strange power that Gortat speaks of?? I have noticed that he has been dominating on the court...sometimes I can't even tell if it is Howard or Gortat out there. Well...here it is:

Now you're probably saying what the fuck gortat, its a dragon?? Well, you are right. All of my powers come from a place called the dragon room. Having a bad day dragon room. Want some tight asian pussy? Dragon room. Need to blow off some steam cause your coach is screaming at you? Dragon room. Want to make fun of Turk because he's becoming a fat ass? Dragon room. Before, I would go home and jerk off into my pillow. Now I just head straight to the dragon room after every game. The key is, you have to be there all the time. The power of the dragon is really only truly understood by the asians, and I can never understand what the fuck they are talking about. All I know is those asians can drink and they never age. It has to be the power of the dragon. It energizes me and makes me play like Dwight. So please meet me down there and if you see me please buy me a drink...trust me, you'll feel better.