Catman's Top 20 Magic Moments...14

14. Webber/Penny Switch-a-roo

The 1993 NBA Draft...The joy and elation all of Orlando was feeling as Chris Webber walked up on stage and shook hands with David Stern.

Shawn Bradley goes to Philly...still dreaming about Shaq/Webber destroying teams.

Anfernee Hardaway goes to G.S....huh? what? whatever...oh C-Webb here comes a dynasty.

Mash goes to the Mavs...beginning to get up from the O'rena.

Isaiah Rider to the T-Wolves...alright, let's go party! We got 2 number 1 picks and---

Wait here comes David Stern...what's he doing?


David Stern: The Orlando Magic have traded the rights to Chris Webber to Golden State for the rights to Anfernee Har---

O'rena Crowd: [Booing, screaming, countless no's and what's]

Pat Williams to O'rena Crowd: Your jeers will turn to jeers!



I was still standing about 30 ft from Pat Williams after the crowd had left angrily. I was going to get my two cents in after he was done with a TV interview. As he walked away from the interview, I yelled some angry question to him and he answered. I left in disgust.

So how'd they turn out?

PENNY HARDAWAY VS CHRIS WEBBER

Tenure

14 Seasons, 4 teams.......15, 6 teams (G.S. twice)

Points

10,684...................................................17,182

Rookie of the Year
Runner up...................................................Yes

Playoff Best
1 NBA Finals Appearance..........0 NBA Finals Appearances

Cool Sidekick?
Lil' Penny..........................................Legal Troubles

Had A Bullet In Him?
Yes-stray in the foot................Yes-Juwan Howard in the ass


Well, there you have it! If you can't figure out who wins from that breakdown, you probably still think the Magic should have gone with Shawn Bradley. You idiot.

Catman's Top 20 Magic Moments

15. Pulling a 'Bowie'

Back in 1996, Magic reserve Anthony Bowie found himself 1 rebound and 1 assist away from a triple-double. With the Magic up big on the Detroit Pistons, Bowie was getting some extended minutes at the end of the game. AB got a rebound with 4 seconds left and promptly called a timeout so that he could get advance the ball and try for that 10th assist.

Brian Hill was pretty pissed, and walked away from the huddle, telling AB to figure the play out himself. (After the game, Hill said the whole thing was embarrassing.)

Detroit coach Doug Collins was pretty pissed, too. So pissed, in fact, that he instructed his team to stand aside in protest against Bowie's attempt at a cheap triple-double. David Stern said, 'Great idea, Doug...now give the NBA $5000.'

It was an awkward spectacle as AB passed the ball (I think to Donald Royal) for an easy layup and to complete the triple-double and cement his name in NBA history. Now, every time a player attempts to pad his stats to get the elusive triple-double, the Anthony Bowie incident is mentioned...and I could not think that is more AWESOME!

And every time a player leads a revolt to get a coach fired, I think of Brian Hill. Maybe you should think about NOT walking away from a huddle, big boy! YOU ARE NOT AWESOME!

Catman's Top 20 Magic Moments

16. The Billy Donovan Douche-bacle

Wow! Billy Donovan as Orlando Magic head coach! What a coup! Hey Billy, Billy...over here! Look at the camera! What are you looking at? Why won't you look at the camera?


Oh, that's your wife over there with Vander Weide. Boy, she looks angry. Why does she look so angry?

Billy why does she look so angry about being here in Orlando??? Did you not discuss this with your family before SIGNING A CONTRACT WITH THE ORLANDO MAGIC AND LEAVING THE FLORIDA GATORS??? That can't be why she's angry...

Wait a second...did you hear that?

WHOA, Vander Weide just farted on your wife, Billy! So that's why she has that angry look on her face. Well, Billy, I hope this doesn't affect our relationship here or anything--

[Billy and wife leave press conference and slam door]

Ok, then. Well, in retrospect...I would say that once again, we're saved by Vander Weide's farts!

Catman's Top 20 Magic Moments

17. 1995 NBA Eastern Conference Finals Game 4

During the Orlando Magic's 1995 run to the NBA Finals, there were plenty of great moments. This is probably the only one worth mentioning where the Magic lost. Well, besides the Finals themselves.

In a closely fought game vs the Indiana Pacers, the Magic are down by 2 points with about 18 seconds left when Penny Hardaway passes to Brian Shaw for a 3 pointer with 13 seconds left.

Indiana returns from a timeout and gets an immediate 3 pointer from Reggie Miller while just a couple of seconds come off the clock, sending the Pacers back up by 2.

After another timeout by Orlando, Penny Hardaway drills yet another 3 pointer, this one with a hand in his face, with about 1.5 seconds left to send the Magic up by 1.

Enter Rik Smits. Ugly ass Rik Smits. Give me a damn break.

Smits has enough time to catch the ball, pump fake out Tree Rollins, and sink a free throw line jumper at the buzzer to win the game by 1, 94-93. The Magic lose, but its one of the most insane endings to a game I've ever seen. And, of course, we beat them in the series and went on to the Finals. So F-U Indiana. And F-U Rik Smits. Video here.

Oh, and during the series, the city of Indianapolis had a bridge near downtown scheduled to be demolished. They thought it would be funny to spray paint "Orlando Magic" on the bridge when they tore it down. Well, score another one for us...the crane broke and the bridge didn't. Double F-U Indiana. And double F-U to you Rik Smits, for spelling your name weird.

Catman's Top 20 Orlando Magic Moments

18. Rookie Shaquille O'Neal calls my brother "kid".

If your a sports card collector, most likely you've heard of Beckett price guides. Basically, its a $5 magazine that tells you that Danny Schayes rookie card you paid $10 for is worth $.09 (going down). Back in 1992, when the Magic drafted Shaquille O'Neal (Blue Chips, Shazaam), Beckett Basketball Monthly wanted to jump on the hype bandwagon. Without waiting for Shaq to put the uniform on himself, Beckett photoshopped Shaq's head onto the body of Terry Catledge (Rachel's, Circus Circus) since Catman shared Shaq's college number '33'. Of course, we know who won that battle...

Getting on with it...My brother and I (Ex-Girlfriend in Bathroom-Dir.) sold programs at Magic games for years. One of the perks about being in the arena before everyone else was watching the Magic Dancers warm up in their sweatpants, as well as sneaking some autographs from players when they came out to warm up.

I believe it was probably an early exhibition game when my brother (17 at the time) approached Shaq (20 at the time) and asked for an autograph on the only thing he had...a photoshopped Catman/Shaq Beckett Basketball Monthly.

"Sorry kid, I don't sign Becketts."

We lost it because this guy just called my brother that is almost the same age as him a 'kid'! HAHAHAHA!!!

What? That was a dumb story? SCREW YOU THIS IS MY TOP 20! Although, in case you were wondering, Beckett Basketball DID issue Shaq an apology for the 'fake' cover, and quickly corrected the picture back to its original:

Catman's Top 20 Orlando Magic Moments

19.


July 7, 2003...Heart and Hustle becomes Resist and Assault. Beloved point guard Darrell Armstrong gets arrested outside a downtown nightclub (no Gortat, it wasn't Dragon Room). In the scuffle he gets charged for resisting arrest and assaulting an officer. Wait! I meant a FEMALE officer! Nice one Darrell! But of course the organization is willing to work with one of the town's most favorite players and forgive him and give him a second chance---





---nope sorry Darrell. Let us know how the weather is in New Orlea---





---oh, sorry...Dallas! Nawlins sends you to Cowboy Town. Well, enjoy the steak---





---oh, wait...damnit. Traded from there too.





See Darrell, see what happens when you do that to a woman? We'll let the Polish Yardstick give you some advice:




P Hammer: Darrell, when a woman at a nightclub wants to put you in handcuffs...you say YESSS!!!! Next time, I'll take you to the Dragon Room and show you how me and VaJayJay pull in the tang.

Catman's Top 20 Orlando Magic Moments

20. Mark Acres gets a DUI

In the young, fledgling years of the Orlando Magic, there wasn't much contraversy. As far as we knew, there wasn't any drug use or domestic violence...pretty much law abiding citizens. In fact, between Dave Corzine, Greg Kite, Mark Acres, and Scott Skiles, we mostly looked like a construction crew. And normally, Mark's infraction here wouldn't garner much notice, except that his DUI was the first news making law breaking for the team. In fact, if I remember correctly (which usually I don't) Mark's biggest ovation from the crowd came the game he returned after missing a couple games because of it.

What's Mark doing now? Well...this is verbatim from WikiAnswers:

Q-What does Mark Acres do now that he is retired?

A-He is a physical education teacher at J.H. Hull at Levy in Torrence,
CA.

Veon Lee: I am a 8th grader at jh hull middle school right now, and he just
made me do cardio without running today. He is very old and no one at our
school really know that he was a basketball player!

Well, Veon...rejoice now! You are learning from a piece of basketball history!

Catman's Top 20 Orlando Magic Moments

21. Naming the Magic

Yes, I know how to count. I'm starting off the Top 20 Moments with #21. Screw you, the Magic did it on their countdown too. I think. Anyway, we're counting down the greatest moments in the history of our dear team. I'll begin with the two men that got the Magic here. Pat "Sexual Mustache" Williams and Jim "Sexual Businessman" Hewitt. These guys decided to start a team without the league even giving us one, in hopes that the NBA would just kind of...well, have to!

Luckily it worked. A poll was put in the Sentinel, and the names were narrowed down to "Heat", "Juice", "Tropics", and "Magic". Legend says that Williams daughter indirectly picked the name when she described her visit to Orlando as "magic". Thank God we didn't ask OJ Simpson.