Monday, November 9, 2009

Catman's Top 20 Magic Moments...14

14. Webber/Penny Switch-a-roo

The 1993 NBA Draft...The joy and elation all of Orlando was feeling as Chris Webber walked up on stage and shook hands with David Stern.

Shawn Bradley goes to Philly...still dreaming about Shaq/Webber destroying teams.

Anfernee Hardaway goes to G.S....huh? what? whatever...oh C-Webb here comes a dynasty.

Mash goes to the Mavs...beginning to get up from the O'rena.

Isaiah Rider to the T-Wolves...alright, let's go party! We got 2 number 1 picks and---

Wait here comes David Stern...what's he doing?

David Stern: The Orlando Magic have traded the rights to Chris Webber to Golden State for the rights to Anfernee Har---

O'rena Crowd: [Booing, screaming, countless no's and what's]

Pat Williams to O'rena Crowd: Your jeers will turn to jeers!

I was still standing about 30 ft from Pat Williams after the crowd had left angrily. I was going to get my two cents in after he was done with a TV interview. As he walked away from the interview, I yelled some angry question to him and he answered. I left in disgust.

So how'd they turn out?

14 Seasons, 4 teams.......15, 6 teams (G.S. twice)

Rookie of the Year
Runner up...................................................Yes

Playoff Best
1 NBA Finals Appearance..........0 NBA Finals Appearances

Cool Sidekick?
Lil' Penny..........................................Legal Troubles

Had A Bullet In Him?
Yes-stray in the foot................Yes-Juwan Howard in the ass

Well, there you have it! If you can't figure out who wins from that breakdown, you probably still think the Magic should have gone with Shawn Bradley. You idiot.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Calm Down...


"I heal like a young guy so I'll be good tomorrow," Carter said after sitting out the second half. "Hopefully, I'll be back Sunday. We're going to be smart about it. It's a long season. I'm feeling better now that I am walking on it."

Carter spent the second half in the trainers' room and had his ankle wrapped. X-rays were negative.

From (not really a website):

We still won. We still don't have Rashard back. It's the beginning of the season. The Magic are still going to bang your mom. And her X-rays will be positive...for a ravaging from Brandon Bass's gigantic d*#@. Yayuh.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Poetry Inaction

The stiller I am, the more everything moves in the immense vocabulary of being.
— Margaret Hasse

I guess he needs to build up that immense vocabulary so he can yell at the refs...the dog vendors...his brother...that spot on the wall...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Presenting...The Orlando Magic SUPERMEN








Sunday, October 25, 2009

Catman's Top 20 Magic Moments

15. Pulling a 'Bowie'

Back in 1996, Magic reserve Anthony Bowie found himself 1 rebound and 1 assist away from a triple-double. With the Magic up big on the Detroit Pistons, Bowie was getting some extended minutes at the end of the game. AB got a rebound with 4 seconds left and promptly called a timeout so that he could get advance the ball and try for that 10th assist.

Brian Hill was pretty pissed, and walked away from the huddle, telling AB to figure the play out himself. (After the game, Hill said the whole thing was embarrassing.)

Detroit coach Doug Collins was pretty pissed, too. So pissed, in fact, that he instructed his team to stand aside in protest against Bowie's attempt at a cheap triple-double. David Stern said, 'Great idea, give the NBA $5000.'

It was an awkward spectacle as AB passed the ball (I think to Donald Royal) for an easy layup and to complete the triple-double and cement his name in NBA history. Now, every time a player attempts to pad his stats to get the elusive triple-double, the Anthony Bowie incident is mentioned...and I could not think that is more AWESOME!

And every time a player leads a revolt to get a coach fired, I think of Brian Hill. Maybe you should think about NOT walking away from a huddle, big boy! YOU ARE NOT AWESOME!

Catman's Top 20 Magic Moments

16. The Billy Donovan Douche-bacle

Wow! Billy Donovan as Orlando Magic head coach! What a coup! Hey Billy, Billy...over here! Look at the camera! What are you looking at? Why won't you look at the camera?

Oh, that's your wife over there with Vander Weide. Boy, she looks angry. Why does she look so angry?

Billy why does she look so angry about being here in Orlando??? Did you not discuss this with your family before SIGNING A CONTRACT WITH THE ORLANDO MAGIC AND LEAVING THE FLORIDA GATORS??? That can't be why she's angry...

Wait a second...did you hear that?

WHOA, Vander Weide just farted on your wife, Billy! So that's why she has that angry look on her face. Well, Billy, I hope this doesn't affect our relationship here or anything--

[Billy and wife leave press conference and slam door]

Ok, then. Well, in retrospect...I would say that once again, we're saved by Vander Weide's farts!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Catman's Top 20 Magic Moments

17. 1995 NBA Eastern Conference Finals Game 4

During the Orlando Magic's 1995 run to the NBA Finals, there were plenty of great moments. This is probably the only one worth mentioning where the Magic lost. Well, besides the Finals themselves.

In a closely fought game vs the Indiana Pacers, the Magic are down by 2 points with about 18 seconds left when Penny Hardaway passes to Brian Shaw for a 3 pointer with 13 seconds left.

Indiana returns from a timeout and gets an immediate 3 pointer from Reggie Miller while just a couple of seconds come off the clock, sending the Pacers back up by 2.

After another timeout by Orlando, Penny Hardaway drills yet another 3 pointer, this one with a hand in his face, with about 1.5 seconds left to send the Magic up by 1.

Enter Rik Smits. Ugly ass Rik Smits. Give me a damn break.

Smits has enough time to catch the ball, pump fake out Tree Rollins, and sink a free throw line jumper at the buzzer to win the game by 1, 94-93. The Magic lose, but its one of the most insane endings to a game I've ever seen. And, of course, we beat them in the series and went on to the Finals. So F-U Indiana. And F-U Rik Smits. Video here.

Oh, and during the series, the city of Indianapolis had a bridge near downtown scheduled to be demolished. They thought it would be funny to spray paint "Orlando Magic" on the bridge when they tore it down. Well, score another one for us...the crane broke and the bridge didn't. Double F-U Indiana. And double F-U to you Rik Smits, for spelling your name weird.