[Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex U Up" plays in background]Yo yo whaassssuuuuup, y'alls! Did you see those Finals! Holy shit, the amount of hot ass tail skyrockets when you get deep in the playoffs...and you guys know how I love to get deep! Come on, yeah! Who's with me?!
So its time for the off-season. Its summertime, baby! Don't know if you all know, but around the NBA, I'm known as the Gynecologist. You haven't heard? Man, just ask The Polish Hammer. I've stared down more vaginas than KD Lang, Mellissa Etheridge, and my idol, Dan Cortes, all put together! Man, check me out looking through the net...if you don't get that euphemism, you're like, stupid. Sometimes, when I'm staring into a vagina, it feels like I'm staring right into a woman's soul. And then I bang that soul.
I've got the women of O-town in my damn pocket! Did you hear the cheers when I came into games this season? Hell yeah! I can miss every damn shot I take, but when the Gynecologist's name is called, your girlfriend screams. In fact, if you see your girl putting an extra pair of panties in her purse on the way to a game that you paid $200 a ticket for? You can bet she'll be wanting good 'ol Va-JJ to drop a 3 pointer in her crotch.
Here's you:
Here's what your girlfriend pictures during sex:
So all you guys that hate me? I got two things to say to you. First, you can suck my dick, douche! Second, your girlfriend thinks I'm hot. Believe me, she does. With apologies to Gortat, I'm the second most recognizable player for the Magic, behind Dwight. He's got the size, but I've got the finesse...
So check out more Notes From The Roast Beef Corner next time, yo! In the next episode, learn how I'm here to "Sexy Up The Orlando Magic".
By the way Gortat...that Asian chick in Dragon Room said she is down for the threesome. Hollaback...
Peace and Duke-y grease...
Jonathon Clay Redick
"The Soul Banger"
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