The Polish Machine discusses the offseason...it's Euro talk bitches!

Well, well, well...look who got PAYYYYYYYYYYYYID! That's right lil bitches, now I can roll like Delonte West, you know guns a blazin, wait, why would I want to be like that thug, look at this picture. What the hell is he doing? Dancing? I'm just sitting there flexing like a stud, look at my tattoo, God I'm enormous :takes shirt off: Holy crap I'm huge :realizes writers from catman are sill in the room: ok, ok, ok...this money might be getting to my head. Man I love being a NBA stud, this is the life. Here is an off season recap:

• Traveled to Poland
• Did polish girls.
• Told my agent I wanted to be paid in Polish sausages next year or just one big bar tab at Dragon room.
• Fired agent after he laughed.
• Got four more Nike tattoos....Fuck you Reebok.
• Spoke to Mark Cuban on the phone, Cuban agreed to build an arena out of sausages if I came to Dallas.
• Flew to Dallas
• Did cowgirls
• Did not see an arena full of sausages.
• Left Dallas
• Was notified that Orlando matched my offer.
• Partied with Asians at Dragon room.

Well, I have a shitload of fan mail now that people have realized the greatness of the Gortat...let me answer a few right now.

Trainwreck: (drunk)...heheheeeeeey Gortat...i love youuuuuu. :dances like a 50 year old hooker would (somehow communicated through a piece of mail):

Polish Yardstick: Hi.

JK: um, hello Marin Gortat. I'm sorry to say this, but I was completely wasted on Friday night and I think I might have hit on you. Just want to apologize if I did.

Polish Block Party: Fag.

Delonte West: Yo, gortat, lemme hit cho up for some of dat cheese biotch. I'm gansta now and gots to protects my crib ya know! Planes, trains and automobiles!

Martin Gortat: What the fuck did you just say?

Jason from Dt Orlando: Hey gorty, remember that time I saw you in 23...I had our, wait, I mean your jersey on earlier that night. oh, I wish I woulda kept it on. Love you buddy. call me!

Polish Prince: :shakes head and throws letter in trash:

Mike from Vietnam: Hi, what will you average this year.

Polish Jackhammer: Shit, that's a tough one...I'd probably go with 20 drinks a night and two girls...finally a good question.

Ok bitches, I've to to get ready to punish Cuban for not building that sausage house. Preseason? Who cares? TOTAL DOMINATION.